Why did you have to leave so early? I told you before i leave for Adelaide that i will return to visit you again, but looks like i won't have that chance anymore. When i leave, i remembered clearly our goodbyes. When i was about to leave, you gathered every ounce of strength you had to lift up your arms and waved gently at me. Little did i know that would be your last goodbye to me.
I received a text message from mummy around 10.30am on the 23rd, she told me you passed on. I was shocked, i was stunned. I don't know what to say. I called back and talked for a while with mummy. She said your heart was weak. I then asked her if i need to go back. She told me no need, dad and the kids are not going back as well. She said that you would understand. That's when it hit me hard.
You are always understanding. Even when i know you wanted to talk to me, you would understand when i told you "I need to go eat" or "I need to take a bath". You would smile and nod, and let me do my things until i get another chance to talk to you and spend time with you. Each time i appear in your room and call you, you would smile with the sweetest of smile, a smile that is of pure joy, a smile that will bright up that dim room you have been in for the past 2 years. Now whenever i go back, that room will appear dimmer than ever to me.
I still remember when i was a small kid, a naughty one. Mummy would chase me around the house with a rotan in her hand. I would run and hide behind you, and you would put your arms around me, and asked mummy to stop. That time, you appear as a gateway to safety for me. But now i know it is because of your love to me, and to all of your grandchildren as well. Your love and care have always being a part of my life, from the moment i was born till now. I see you almost every week for the past 18 years before i leave for my studies, and even when i arrive back in Bintulu during the holidays for the past 2 years, the first thing i did once i enter the house is to visit you in your room. It will be very different the next time i go back.
Do you remember the last time i went back in February? That night you can't sleep, and i promised to you that i would accompany you and talk to you. However i had to leave the room as we all need to get some sleep. Yet you can't fall asleep, and continue to look for me, calling my name "Chiang Chiang", over and over again. Jee Ee told you that i was asleep. I hope that you do not think that i abandoned you, because that is far from the truth. I was lying on the sofa outside, dozing off and waking up to each of your call. It hurts me to hear you calling my name yet unable to answer you back. I am sorry for not being there for you when you wanted me to Ah Ma, and i would never abandon you. But i know you would understand, that's your greatest of many virtues.
I know someday, somehow, i will see you again. And at that time, i am sure i will be greeted by that warm smile of yours again, radiant by nature. Until then, i hope you rest in peace Ah Ma, because after all your hard work on Earth, you deserve a place up there with the Lord, filled with joy and prosperity that you fully deserve. I'll miss you.
Your grandson Chiang Chiang.